The journey continues

You probably want to know what happened next. At least I am always curious what happens after a novel finishes. Sometimes I imagine how a story in a novel would evolve after the last page. I will not give you a chance to do that with my story. I will just tell you.

I went home and walked to the hospital straight from the train station – in full gear. My mum was in pain, but happy to see me. For the next seven days I visited her every day, walking to the hospital. Then she was released and after a few more weeks was fully recovered. She is doing excellent now!

Simon and I stayed in contact. We missed each other so much and after many and incredibly long phone calls, and after my mum had got better, I took a train to Strasbourg, where Simon had just moved to.

We had to learn a sad truth: The camino does not depict reality. The life on the camino is not real. The team Simon and Anika did not work well in real life. Simon was stressed, just having moved to a new city, making new friends at university….and I was getting ready to start university as well in a new city in Germany.

That Simon and I suddenly didn’t work the way we did on the camino came as a shock to both of us. We spent days sitting and lying next to each other, overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment.

I carried that sadness around with me for a few months. I really missed my camino Simon. But in October I started a new life, as a student at a university in a city that was not known to me. It was a distraction. Meanwhile, I also indulged in a proper student life style, going out a few nights a week and staying up late.

During those lively occasions I ran into a fascinating man, who I now very happily call my partner. For the past half year I have found myself in the most beautiful, comforting, supporting and encouraging relationship I have ever been. I had never even dared to dream of a relationship like this one. And I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that last year’s camino made this possible.

I spent a month walking through half of Spain and reflecting intensively on love, my previous relationships, my urge for attention and what stands behind it. In the process I learned to come to terms with and let go of parts of my past. Sharing this pilgrimage with Simon taught me that I am able to be a team player. Showed me that I am not as cold-hearted and selfish as I had always assumed and defined myself. I had always insisted that I, Anika, am not able to have a healthy relationship, that I was not able to commit to anything, not able to be happy with someone, without losing interest after a week or so. People always told me that I had just not met the right person yet. I had always shaken my head. I should have nodded. Because they were right. The right person is there. Mr. Right has finally knocked on my door. But probably no one would have opened the door, if I had not walked the camino last year. He is Mr. Right, because now I am Mrs. Ready. Now, after having dealt with my stuff, sorted out things in my head, I am finally ready to enjoy spending time with someone great.

I can tell you many reasons why he is great, but I am giving you only one for now. He’s been supporting and encouraging me to walk another camino this year. Selflessly, he had accepted the thought of me leaving for over a month, without internet and a phone that is just to be used for emergencies. I would have also gone without his support, but him encouraging me to go and make more camino experiences, makes me want to stay.

But I’m not staying. I am going. Tomorrow. Once again I am packing my back. I’m putting on my hiking boots. And I’m off again.

I will travel to Irún by train again – stopping in Paris for a few hours, as usual. In Irún, Dani, my camino friend from two years ago, will pick me up from the train station and we will spend the day together. The following day I will take the bus to Gijon, starting this year’s camino where I had ended last year.

I don’t know what this year’s camino topic will be. Two years ago I learned to have faith in myself and I learned to love my body. Last year’s camino was about relationships. I cannot know what will come up this year, but I am hoping to regain some connection to my body again. My new lifestyle as a student has turned me again to a perfectionist and workaholic and all those late hours of studying, the pressure I put on myself, the high expectations, and connected with that the bad diet and lack of sleep left marks. I have been struggling with stomach pain for months now. I am scared of walking the camino. I am honestly not feeling fit enough. I don’t know how the different diet and the exhaustion will hit me, how it will affect my poor stomach. But I want to find out. Anika, be brave and go. Animo!

I have about four weeks of walking. It’s another 360 kilometres to Santiago. So I have plenty of time. I could crawl to Santiago. Though this might destroy my knees for good. But you know what I mean. I might take it really slow. I might get to Santiago in two weeks and then walk further on to Finisterre and/or Muxia. Or I’ll stay somewhere. Or I’ll end up going somewhere else completely. I don’t know yet. It’s going to be another adventure. Wish me luck that the blisters and knee pain will stay away this time. Wish me luck that my stomach will behave. Wish me luck that I will come home with amazing stories to tell you. Adios and see you soon.

Post Camino: Freedom

How free are we? What drives us on? I felt so free on the camino. I was still free. I could choose to continue my camino. Or I could go home to see my mum in hospital. Or was that really a choice? What would you have done?

Being on the camino was a pretty big deal for me. I wanted to hike through from Irun to Santiago. I had made sure that I was free for two months. It probably was the last time in the near future that I would have two months off. I was about to start university, giving up my company and therefore also a lot of freedom. Freedom to travel whenever and how long I felt like it.

It is quite ironic that only a few days before I had written in my diary that getting to Santiago is not important. Of course it is important. I wanted to get to Santiago, because I had always imagined to get there. I wanted to hike through in one go. But why? To tell my friends that I had walked nearly a thousand kilometres through Spain, instead of just 500? How ego-driven was my goal after all?

I had been looking forward to walking alone from now on. I had enjoyed Simon’s company. A lot. But I had always assumed that I would have another month of walking alone, enough time to be with myself, enough time to deal with personal stuff, enough time to let go of Simon.

Of course I went home to see my mum. How ironic that I even left the camino before Simon. I had taken a very early plane August 22, while Simon had taken the flight a couple of hours later. What a coincidence.

In the end, the camino was not an „I“, it has always been a „we“. This camino was a camino I did with Simon. My camino was Simon. Simon was my camino. But maybe, just maybe, that was meant to be. Maybe that’s what I needed to experience. With Simon leaving, I had learned a valuable lesson: how to share great moments with someone else.

I had always been a loner. I had always prefered to be on my own. I had always been distanced and had not let people in one hundred percent. Even in relationships I had always prefered the time that I had to myself. I had always valued my freedom the most. I had always believed that attachments to people will take away my freedom.

Diary entry:“How free am I? I thought I had no attachments. But of course I’m attached. I’m attached to my mum. Of course I’m flying home, when she is hurting. Maybe freedom is not such a good thing after all. Maybe to be independent is not a thing to strive for. Maybe it’s structure and relationships and love and compassion that make life worth living.

I spent this camino with an amazing man, who showed, taught and reminded me that true happiness can only occur when you share it with someone dear to you. I can’t put into words how grateful I am that I was allowed to spend four weeks with a man so sweet, so honest, so smart, so handsome, so strong. Thank you, universe, for sending him! It was a true gift that I will always treasure in my heart. On Friday we will part and I might never see him again. How sad that might sound, it’s also okay. If we are meant to meet again, we will. And if not, this man will always stay in my heart nonetheless. I will always remember that I, too, can be part of an amazing team.“

Day 25: Villaviciosa to Gijón

August 20, 2014

Walking distance: 30 kilometres

I did it. I walked the thirty kilometres to Gijón. Alone. It was Simon’s last walking day and he wanted to finish it the way he had started: Alone. I enjoyed walking on my own as well. I had had a nightmare that affected me a lot and I needed time to deal with it.

I had to think about the relationships I had. So far it seemed like I only had disfunctional relationships, where either I was playing the mum or I let myself be dominated. There has never been any equal footing.

Diary entry: „I would love to live without the drama , without men in my life, just concentrating on myself. There are so many men in my life all the time. I love the attention. I feel I need the attention, but why? I should be self-confident enough to love myself, to give myself the attention that I seek to get from men.“

The day was emotionally very tough. My legs and knees had some work to do too, since I had to carry myself and my backpack over two mountains. When I got to Gijón, I was so exhausted that I wasn’t even able to speak. I went to the pension that Simon had booked for us the day before. He had arrived an hour early. When I got in, I needed to lie down for an hour before I could even say a word. My strength did not last for communication.

Even after that hour, I stayed in bed for a while, recovering from the 30 kilometres and these two mountains, when suddenly my phone rang. It was my sister. My sister usually only calls me for my birthday, so something was up. My voice was shaking when I answered the phone.

„Hello?“

„Anika, mum’s in hospital. You need to come home.“

Day 24: La Isla to Villaviciosa

August 18, 2014

Walking distance: 22 kilometres

I walked pain-free today. I don’t know how that was possible since yesterday had been such a struggle. My blisters seemed to have vanished.

We spent all day walking together with Michael from Switzerland, who had started walking the camino from home three months ago. I really liked his energy. He was whistling while he was walking and it gave me an upliftment listening to him.

Gijon is just 30 kilometres away. For the first time Simon I had reserved a room for the following day in Gijon. We wanted to make the 30 kilometres and not stress about finding accomodation after such a long and very tiring walking day – as there were some mountains separating us from Gijon.

But why the rush? Simon would have to fly home in a few days and he had planned to get to Gijon on August 19, tomorrow, so that he would still have some time to explore the city as well as the neighbouring city Oviedo before leaving Spain. My plan was to join him and then continue onwards to Santiago.

awkward picture, but I included it to show you how I look in full gear 🙂

Anika is happy because she ain’t got no pain!

My heart ached everytime I thought about him leaving. How would the camino be like without him? I had met Simon on my second day and so far we had only been separated occasionally for a few days, but had spent most of the time walking these 500 kilometres from Irun to Gijon side by side.

But I felt it was time to move on. In the past few days our chemistry had changed a bit. We were like a couple falling out of love. Maybe we had just hung out a bit too much with each other. I had got grumy occasionally and Simon had become less gentle towards me.

I knew I’d miss him terrible making my way to Santiago. But at the same time I was looking forward to being alone again, being back with myself, only concentrating on my thoughts, maybe meeting new people, making new connections. I had another four weeks before I’d had to go home. That’s more than the time I had needed to get that far from Irún. There would be many adventures waiting for me to come.

Day 23: Pineres to La Isla

August 17, 2014

Walking distance: 28 kilometres

The Camino del Norte can be very similar to the most popular Camino Francés. On the Norte you also have yellow arrows that lead you to Santiago, though sometimes there are less. This is due to the Norte not being that popular or just beginning to be popular. On the Camino Francés you have such a high demand and there are a lot of people making sure the arrows are readable and clear. On the Norte you also have albergues, very similar to the ones you can find on the Francés. However, again, due to less demand, there are also less albergues, often one every 15 kilometres. So you either have the choice to do very short walking days, like my friend Juan, or you walk the 30 kilometres to the next albergue. Today I chose to walk 30 – like so many times. I started at 8.30 a.m. – for my standards on the Camino del Norte, this is very early! And I did not get to the albergue before 6pm. My new blister was diligently growing, causing me a lot of pain. It took me a lot of will and strength to keep going.

It was 1pm when I reached the albergue in San Esteban. I knew that the following albergue was 12 kilometres away. Was I fit enough to walk 12 kilometres with pain? I sat down on the grass in front of the arrow indicating the way to the albergue in San Esteban and gave my feet some rest. After half an hour I had recharged my battery and decided to push onwards – slowly, gently. It only worked with another walking meditation and self-healing thoughts.

Vamos means something like “let’s go!”

When I passed this bar I smiled and thought of the slow Juan.

On the way I met Michael, a guy from Switzerland, who had walked….from Switzerland. His skin was very tanned and he looked tough. We spent a few hours together walking and talking and resting and talking. He had given up his job and sold everything at home after having come very close to a burn out. He wanted to start a new life. He told me a lot about his past three months, his struggles and how he had got stronger and stronger every day. Michael met many people along the way and some of them had offered him a job whenever he finished his camino. But he told me he would only accept one of the jobs he got offered on the camino if worse came to worse. What he really wanted was to live with a woman he had met a year ago in Ibiza and was now living in Madrid. He was willing to settle down wherever she would be or go to. He told me about the difficult and complicated relationship they had and it sounded like the woman just could not make up her mind whether she wanted to commit to a relationship. He seemed head over heels in love and I was moved by his intense feelings for her. He was walking the camino without a phone and had not spoken to that woman for three months, but his love for her seemed to grow with every step he took.

following Michael

So Michael was on the camino for three months, without a phone and not even a watch. That sounds pretty cool. But I was shocked when he suddenly asked for a phone to use as a calculator. For the next half an hour he was busy calculating how many kilometres he’d have to walk a day in order to get to Santiago in two weeks. He was also determined to get to Santiago on a Sunday. For some reason this was very important to him. He had started on a Sunday and wanted to finish on a Sunday. So either he’d walk two weeks or three weeks, but he needed to get to Santiago on a Sunday.

I had walked a few hours with Michael and I had had the impression that he is so down to earth and relaxed. Seeing him stress about kilometres and time and being all stubborn on what day to reach Santiago made me sad.

Diary entry: „Why the hurry? Why do people want to get to Santiago anyway? If you are not religious, why is it so important to arrive in Santiago? You could just walk until you run out of time or money and stop wherever you are at that moment – like Simon. His flight leaves on Friday, taking him back to Paris. He only had four weeks and had never wanted or dreamed of making it to Santiago in that time. He did not want to stress. I realize I’m finding it very hard not to judge the people on this camino.“

Once we got to la Isla we heard that the albergue de peregrinos (the pilgrim’s albergue) was full. We, that is Simon, Michael, I and an Italian couple that we got to know on the way, asked around in near-by hotels, but they all seemed booked out. I was in so much pain that at 6pm, with the prospect of having to walk even further, I sat down in front of a fancy hotel, all dirty and sweaty, and struggled not to cry. Simon put his hand on my shoulder and said: „Don’t worry. We’ll find a place to stay.“ But I was hopeless. Getting there cost me all my strength and the pain in my feet had also made me emotionally tired. I just kept myself placed in front of this hotel waiting for something to happen. In the meantime, the receptionist at the hotel, either feeling sorry for us or just not wanting me to scare the hotel guests, telephoned around, found places for us at a hostel and reserved them for us. I dragged myself the last kilometre to that hostel, fed up with my feet and the camino and being angry with myself. Why did I not stop in San Esteban? Why did I have to force myself to walk 28 kilometres when in pain? Why did I have to act so irresponsible and foolish? Why the hurry anyway? Did I need to prove something to myself not stopping after 16 kilometres? Was it my pride that made me continue with blisters?

Day 22: Llanes to Pineres

August 16, 2014

Walking distance: 23 kilometres

This morning we met Christoph again. Fascinating that we keep meeting him even after having had two resting days in one week. Christoph is as chilled as we are. He was walking together with a German girl, Rosa. We started out together – the four of us. But I realized that it’s just not my thing. It was all right walking with Simon, but I just couldn’t handle more people around. After breaks I either sped up or slowed down in order to have the camino to myself.

I also tried a walking meditation – as an excercise to blend the others out. I tried to stick to myself only focusing on my breathing and observing my own energies, extending them and clearly being in my power.

At some point Simon and I separated from Christoph and Rosa again and did our thing. During a break we once again ran into Juan, the slow Juan! I had first seen him on my way to Deba at the very beginning of this camino and kept meeting him. He is walking so slowly and though he looks very sportive and fit he is only walking 15 kilometres a day. We had last seen him in Santander about a week ago. Now, after two resting days, he managed to catch up with us. I guess he is meeting new pilgrims every day and he is probably saying goodbye to pilgrims all the time, as I doubt that there are many pilrgims around travelling that slowly. Though he kept running into us, he has never seemed interested in getting to know us. He didn’t even know our names. He could talk non-stop about any kind of subject, but never really bothered to establish a proper relationship.

Yeah well, I get easily amused. What a ridiculous name for a town, haha.

The yellow arrows comes in all forms and sizes.

Simon, Juan and I walked together and stopped at a supermarket. We intended to stay at an albergue in the countryside with no bars or shops around. However, the guidebook mentioned that we could cook, so we bought pasta for the evening. After we had just started our way to the albergue again, I could feel another blister developing. Oh no! I stopped and told Simon and Juan to keep going. I sat down right on the camino and got out compeed to treat my foot. Even though Juan was walking that slowly, I could not catch up with them. I walked and walked and walked but there was no albergue in sight. I crossed a field nearly stumbling on cows and walking further and further into the woods, when my phone rang. Simon had got worried as he had expected me to get to the albergue soon after. I realized I had missed it completely.

I went back for kilometres and wasn’t surprised that I had missed it first time passing it. It really did not look like an albergue, but a family home. There was only space for six people. Juan, Simon and I were already three. We were joined by a Spanish couple and a biker. It was such a cozy place and such a relaxing afternoon. There was nothing we could do. There was no bar, no shop, just fields and cows and a church that was closed. We couldn’t even do our laundry as the hospitalera insisted on washing our clothes. So we sat in the sun and waited for the evening to come.

There was nothing to do. So I played around with…that thing! Found it abandoned in the grass.

…and started getting fond of it very quickly. New walking stick?

Day 21: Pendueles to Llanes

August 15, 2014

Walking distance: none, the day before: 13 km

Yesterday we had a late start once again and a short walking day at that. We started at 10am and got to Llanes at 3pm, after having only walked 13 kilometres. It was a beautiful walk. We stopped a lot, enjoyed the scenery and talked – that day’s theme being friendships in our lives.

I struggled with blisters again and in the end dragged myself to Llanes and a pharmacy, where I bought proper equipment to open my blister. I don’t like to open them as I am scared of getting my feet infected, but I had no choice. I had got another blister that had become too big to bear. Last year I struggled with my knee. This time it’s all about feet. I’m wearing different shoes, so maybe that is the problem? Or it’s the walk that is different. I don’t know. I don’t care. It just pisses me off. A lot.

Simon didn’t mind calling it a day after only 13 kilometres. On the contrary. He wanted to stop here anyway. His Spanish friend Miguel has a vacation flat here and has told him about the beauty of Llanes, a city famous for beach tourism.

The albergues were full again, since these were also open to tourists, who had occupied all the beds. So we once again shared a room in a pension – an expensive one this time, since it was high season at a very touristic place.

But instead of indulging in tourism, I was looking for a quiet place. I found a quiet church and started a meditation. Suddenly, everything around me became a bit more noisy and when I opened my eyes again I found myself surrounded by dozens of Spaniards, who had found seats right next to me, waiting for the mass to start. Oh dear. I literary ran out. Imagine me being trapped at a mass – in Spanish. It would have been so rude to leave in the middle of it.

So I went back to my pilgrim routine: shower, foot care, laundry. Later, Simon and I went to get some food and checked out the open-air concert in town. It was fiesta, a long weekend and the Spanish were out on the streets ready to party until sunset. Turned out: Spanish fiestas are too much for two German pilgrims to handle. We soon felt very detached from it all and found a quiet place at the harbour, where we peacefully and softly ended the day.

los cubos de la memoria by painter and sculptor Agustín Ibarrola (2001).

The next morning, we left our bags at reception. We planned to walk in the afternoon. Before that Simon met up with his Spanish friend Miguel. Miguel lives in Burgos, but because it is fiesta, he decided to come to his vacation flat with his wife and his brother in-law plus wife for a long weekend. What a coincidence that we happened to be here at the same time. After I had taken a walk at the harbour, I ran into Simon and Miguel. The crazy thing: Miguel used to live in my hometown, Cottbus, in Germany, for one year, where he did his ERASMUS year as part of his studies of architecture. It’s not a big city, Cottbus, so it’s very unusual and a huge coincidence. We were invited for a second breakfast, where Miguel’s brother-in law, who is a physiotherapist, took proper care of my foot. How lucky am I?

That’s Miguel and me. Miguel is showing a “C” for the initial of my hometown – Cottbus.

Later on, we went to a near-by beach, where everyone had a swim, except me – as my wounds wouldn’t allow me to go into sandy salt-water. Meanwhile we phoned the pension extending our stay for one more day. We officially had another day off. We had already taken a day off five days ago last Sunday. But there really was no rush.

Simon had to leave the Camino pretty soon. He had never intended to get to Santiago. And I had another five weeks, more than enough to make it to Santiago without rushing.

Day 19: Serdio to Pendueles

August 13

Walking distance: 20 kilometres

Again today, we walked slowly, carelessly, without any stress – right next to each other. Simon and I – we are inseparable now. When after a while we spotted a bar, we agreed on walking by, stopping a bit later for a break. But then I heard that they played Fito y Fitipaldis, a Spanish band I like a lot. This was my bar to have a break after all. What followed was some diary writing:

„We have no idea where we are right now or how late it is. We are both drinking our beloved KAS (orange for me, lemon for Simon), a ritual that we both love. He is reading the paper and I got out my diary. We are so relaxed. We have given up running to albergues. We don’t want to play that game any more. Travelling together is easier, as we can afford sharing a small room in a pension now. If we are lucky that makes about 10 quid for each. We will see where we are going to end up today. If there are beds in an albergue, we take those, if not, then not. It’s horrible how stressed people are here, just to get a place in an albergue. Yesterday we met Herbert, a German art teacher. When I told him that I had started in Irun two and a half weeks ago, he looked at me with shock and horror. „What took you so long?“ he asked. I don’t get it. Why do people have to run? With my speed, I am really getting to know people, the villages, the cities. If I like a place, I stay – even a day!“

Later on we walked along the ocean and cliffs for miles. It was incredibly beautiful. We found a cave and spent a while exploring it. When we got to Pendueles, we decided to call it a day. As we had taken our time, we got there by 5pm. We had only managed to walk 20 kilometres, but we enjoyed it. There was no stress and no hurry. Why should we hurry anyway?

We managed to get a room for only 25 Euro. That’s 12,50 Euro each. In some private albergues you have to pay more than that. The room looks better than a lot of hotel rooms I have been in for much more money.

I spent the rest of the afternoon having a walk in the village. It was so calm and quiet. I observed kids playing together and looked at flowers and stalked some cats. I found a church and did some yoga and a meditation in its backyard.

Diary entry: „Suddenly I felt so grateful being able to do this walk, getting to know Spain far away from tourism, walking, having time for myself. All the struggles were forgotten. Now there is just thankfulness and appreciation! Right now at nearly 9pm, the whole pueblo (Spanish for village) seems to be outside next to the bar where I’m writing this. Old and young are sitting next to or opposite the bar with dogs, beer cans and pipes socializing. It feels great being part of that.“

Day 18: Comillas to Serdio

August 12, 2014

Walking distance: 23 kilometres

It was a pretty normal, slow and peaceful walking day. Simon and I started walking at 9am and finished at 5pm. A proper 9-5! We spent all day walking side by side, talking or just being silent enjoying the walk. We took long breaks – one for about an hour on grass with the view on the ocean. As the days go by and I get fitter and my feet more used to walking long distances, quietness and peace settles into my heart. There no worries, there are no fears, there is no stress.

One short anecdote. In my post on Santander I have mentioned the two grumpy men who had apparently been walking the camino for 15.000 kilometres over the last years. It seemed that by now these two had separated and were now travelling alone. We only kept on running into Wolfgang, who is still unhappy and grumpy like hell. Everyone’s avoiding him, everyone’s complaining about him. Today we passed very noisy cows. They didn’t seem happy, but rather moody. I said: „These cows remind me of Wolfgang.“ Simon laughed and said: „I had just been thinking the exact same thing.“

My friend – a very new, modern one.

On this camino I kept on seeing sleeping sheep that were leaning against walls. Can anyone tell me why they lean on walls while sleeping?

sleep sheep sleep

Day 17: Santialla del Mar – Comillas

August 11, 2014

Walking distance: 24 kilometres

After the longest walking day of my life I found myself not being able to walk. I had injured my foot and with every step I took it screamed for a break. Well, good that Simon and I were just two kilometres away from the caves of Altamira. So we spent the morning visiting one of the most popular tourist attractions of North of Spain. It had been declared a World Herigage Site by UNESCO. It was weird walking two kilometres without a backpack. My foot thanked me though. I had to walk slowly and carefully. I could feel it was nothing serious, but that my foot just needed some rest. But walking without the heavy weight on my back makes a huge difference already.

With a huge number of tourists (and we were tourists now as well) we looked at 14.000 year-old cave paintings – or better a copy of it. When the cave was found 120 years ago, tourists came from everywhere to see the paintings, which damaged them. So the cave was closed and an exact copy of the cave was made to still be able to educate the world but protect the prehistoric artefacts at the same time. I found myself being a bit disappointed when I found out that I was just looking at a copy. Nonetheless the the little touristic episode made my mind wander…it made me think of how small and insignificant my existence must look like compared to the seemingly uncountable generations that separated me from those people that painted these pictures of wild mammals.

Simon decided to take a rest day as well, so after we had come back from our little touristic adventure we decided to book the room for one more day and indulge in some luxury, that being mainly sleeping. It rained cats and dogs outside and I was happy to be tucked away in a cozy bed. In the evening a feeling came up that I had not felt in weeks: Boredom. A pilgrim who is not walking often feels restless. I had no books, no music and no access to a TV or any other form of entertainment. So there was nothing to do than rest. Easier said than done if you’d been on the road for more than two weeks, constantly walking.

Therefore, we were quite happy to be back on the road again the following day. My foot had thanked me for the rest and was doing much better again. I could still feel the exertions I had forced my foot to go through with me. But my foot and I, we were buddies again. Still a bit moody he followed me wherever I wanted to go.

We had a late start – 10am – which for camino standards is like starting the day in the afternoon. It still rained a little, but that soon passed. Simon was walking a bit behind me and it did not bother me at all. We walked on for hours not really talking to each other, each enjoying the walk, the nature, the camino. I even forgot he was behind me. He later told me that he too felt the same. Even though I was walking in front of him, he too felt so connected to nature at that moment, could enjoy this walk as if he was alone out there, feeling free. This was new, as before we had been walking together talking and getting to know each other. For two weeks we had been walking together and there is a lot of talking happening in two weeks if you have nothing else to do or nothing to distract you. If you do not have the option to watch a film or read a book, all you have is the company of yourself and other people. Naturally, I became much more interested to get to know other people, to hear their stories. Simon and I got to know each other very quickly. We had ticked off the superficial small talk on the first day and had been digging in each other’s deepest thoughts, longings, worries, fears and hopes for what seemed like a life time, but really was just about two weeks. Now, we seemed to know each other so well already that talking didn’t seem necessary. We felt so comfortable in each other’s company that we started to feel like one. For some reason on that walk, Simon had blended with my environment. He belonged there just as much as the fields and the trees, the butterflies and the air.

On this camino I somehow fell in love with donkeys. They love me too. So much that they wanna eat me up. Or at least nibble me.

“Oh noooo! What did you do?” To you information: Donkey spit is sticky as hell.

better take a picture in safe distance to my new friends.

aaaaaaaand met on the way: The ugliest dog there is.

And again my mind wandered. I thought a lot about love and trust and jealousy. I asked myself if it were okay to have an affair with someone who was in a relationship. I asked myself if it were okay if my partner (had I one) was having a one-night stand or even an affair with someone else. I asked myself what jealousy was. If you are jealous, does that mean you don’t love the other person enough? Should you not be happy if the person you love is happy? What if the person you love is happy having magical moments with someone who is not you? If we can’t be happy about that, is that then love – or is the feeling we feel more centrered around us than around another person – the person we think we love? What is that exactly – love? How come we fall in love so quickly, and fall out of love just as quick and fall in love again? If there were any magic in love, how come we are able to fall in love with so many people during our lifetime? Does that not take the magic out of it? Maybe it is not love after all. But what is it then? Have I ever been truly in love? Is there something like unconditional love? If there is, is it possible in a romantic relationship?

We decided to call it a day after 24 kilometres in Comillas. We managed to get the last beds in the albergue, which used to be a prison. To our joy we met Christoph there too. We had last seen him in Santander, before Simon had hopped on the train and me having walked a ridiculously amount of kilometres in one day. Due to our resting day, Christoph was able to catch up with us. Simon and I decided to spend the afternoon apart, exploring the town on our own terms. I found a lovely bar and sat myself in the patio writing postcards and my diary while drinking my favourite Spanish drink, a KAS, when the phone rang. It was Simon. A few hours without me and he felt lost already. We arranged to meet for dinner. Later that evening, we sat down by the sea and Simon said: „I really enjoyed walking with you today.“ Same here. Same here, I thought, a bit puzzled that I, I of all people, the introvert and loner, had enjoyed company so much.